I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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