I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
