your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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