His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
