I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We left an ass print on the piano.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
