Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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