How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
