I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
