last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
