His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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