I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
