Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
