careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.