Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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(415): Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer. http://tfl.nu/s996

Replies (22) Good night (4643) Bad night (657)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.

(612): View more from Minnesota

I wish i was spraying into your jaw.

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(952): Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw. (612): I wish i was spraying into your jaw. http://tfl.nu/v3tm

Replies (12) Good night (3148) Bad night (1021)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.

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(610): Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man. http://tfl.nu/0eqn

Replies (9) Good night (2439) Bad night (1085)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?

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(919): is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people? http://tfl.nu/ymsz

Replies (14) Good night (3668) Bad night (1698)
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(907): View more from Alaska

He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since

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(907): He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since http://tfl.nu/78cc

Replies (2) Good night (2495) Bad night (798)
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(541): View more from Oregon

I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.

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(541): I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me. http://tfl.nu/habi

Replies (16) Good night (3643) Bad night (1022)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series

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(402): Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series http://tfl.nu/c4pq

Replies (13) Good night (3239) Bad night (1091)
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(757): View more from Virginia

you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.

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(757): you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof. http://tfl.nu/pdha

Replies (11) Good night (2681) Bad night (742)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?

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(704): Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that? http://tfl.nu/6433

Replies (0) Good night (1710) Bad night (589)
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(360): View more from Washington

Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious

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(360): Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious http://tfl.nu/bk41

Replies (2) Good night (1165) Bad night (603)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment

(410): View more from Maryland

Thank god I got my shit together

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(203): Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment (410): Thank god I got my shit together http://tfl.nu/mezm

Replies (2) Good night (959) Bad night (546)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?

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(902): Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that? http://tfl.nu/n34x

Replies (0) Good night (532) Bad night (586)
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(954): View more from Florida

direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"

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(954): direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey" http://tfl.nu/8vb9

Replies (2) Good night (882) Bad night (325)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.

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(715): Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk. http://tfl.nu/dnee

Replies (2) Good night (318) Bad night (852)
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(323): View more from California

Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Sure lol what's that?

(323): View more from California

Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Why?

(323): View more from California

Replies (3) Good night (823) Bad night (366)