Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.