I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
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Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake