You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
