break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
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She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.