I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
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My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude