I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
