i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
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how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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