his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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