The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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