they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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