yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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