So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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