remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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