I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize