dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
