I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
