i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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