I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize