I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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