Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
