So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
