I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
