When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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