Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
