do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
