You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
