I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
