Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
They took my balls.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
