Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
