is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
