I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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