Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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