I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
