): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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