It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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