im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
