dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
