I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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