so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize