He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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