What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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