She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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