i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
