Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
