Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
