He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
