Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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