Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
