doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
