Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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