I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
bring money and cleavage
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
