I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize