chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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