she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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