We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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