i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
