just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We're too hungover to prance.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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