So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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