So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
