Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
