apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
