Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
