is your mom at the bar?
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
